Ida's Wink (Or, Why I Didn't Tattle On My Nephew)

I love Ida Buck dearly.  So many of my childhood memories involve she and her family, who really became like my own family.  Christmas Eve programs in the Buck basement, summer hours spent at the Laramie ball fields, singing around the piano, baptisms and baby blessings, Sunday nights when the adults would play cards and the kids would run around outside. On Halloween we would have grilled hamburgers with cheese that looked like jack o'lanterns! But of all the many memories I have and could fondly share of this special lady, on the occasion of her 60th birthday, I will share the following.

(This is about what she and Tom looked like at the time.  Unimpressed Tom notwithstanding…)

It was probably a Sunday evening, in the late 1980's.  I was maybe 9 or 10 years old.  For some reason, no Buck children were there that night.  My brother, sister and I had been sent to bed, and the adults were in the living room, still talking. Nothing more intriguing to my young ears than an adult conversation!  My bedroom happened to border the living room, and I thought I was being sneaky.  I cracked my door and stood, listening to their conversation. I quickly became bored and achy with my posture, and, in my childish mind, it was okay that eventually, legs and other parts of my body came into view.

Ida, who was in my eyeline, caught sight of me. I knew, for sure, that I had been found out.  I was most likely not on the first or even second warning about being told to go to bed, and I knew that I would be in major trouble if my parents were alerted.  Ida, being the angel she was, winked at me and looked away.  I thanked her silently and re-thought my position.  I got to be privy to the adult goings-on until she and Tom left.

Fast forward to 2005 or so in a cabin in Watertown, Canada.  I was almost 30 years old and attending a wedding with my husband's family, and we were all having a grand old time being away together.  The adults were up late, playing games and chatting, my young nieces and nephews had been sent to bed.  Mid-laugh, I turned and caught sight of my wide-eyed nephew Brandon, peeking out from his bed in a dark bedroom, sequestered from the adult frivolity. My mind immediately flashed back to Ida in the 80's, who in a small moment, became both my savior and partner in crime. When his eyes inevitably found mine, I gave Brandon a smile, a little wink and silently thanked Ida again. I hope he enjoyed whatever conversation occurred that night.

Happy 60th birthday, Ida!  Thank you for being you.  I love you.

John and the Text That Changed Everything

In honor of my favorite three-year-old in the world, here is the story of The Text that Changed Everything.

Once upon a time, Mike and I were happy parents of a busy, beautiful two-year-old boy, Henry.  He was growing, he was sweet, he was intelligent, and he was letting us sleep quite a bit.  And by all accounts, we had struck adoption gold - no complications, no delays, no legal hiccups, and minimal birth family drama.  We had been able to finalize his adoption in court on time, perform a Mormon family ceremony ("sealing" Henry to our family) in the Salt Lake temple at our leisure, and post happy pictures on Facebook with wild abandon.

And I thought I was busy.  I had a toddler boy, for crying out loud!  I had only his two naptimes per day, every evening, and weekends to do housework, magnify my Stake YW President calling, and enjoy my own pursuits. Phew.

Then, in late March of 2013: "Would you consider adopting a child whose parents you knew?" came the text on Mike's phone.  It was from our friend Toni, who we know from church and who, with her family, live a couple doors down from my parents.  This has come to be known in our family lore as The Text That Changed Everything.

We knew a little bit about the family.  We knew the most about Toni's son, Johnny, who was our dear friend and had recently been killed in a car accident. I knew Toni also had a couple of daughters, but it was Mike who knew them personally, as he had employed them both at different times in the past.  So, after some conjecture between Mike and I about what exactly the mysterious text might mean exactly, we said yes, we would consider just about anything.

It was a couple days later that we formally met little Cooper John.  We had seen him from the opposite side of the chapel on Sundays but had no real one-on-one interaction with him.  (We were super busy new parents, after all!)  It was Toni's daughter Lori who had made that courageous decision to send the text that would be the first step in welcoming her precious son into our family.  This is the very first picture I snapped of him:

Soooo cute, right???  Those cheeks!  And that smile!  He was a hummingbird of a one-year-old boy, incredibly busy and curious.  But such a sweet, loving soul.  Very quick to smile.  Even now, on the occasion of his third birthday, most of the pictures I take of him are blurry.

Over the course of the next few weeks, we began to fall in love with him.  We spent time with him at both our home and at Toni's home, visited with and got to know the heroic Lori, met with lawyers and a social worker, and eventually, on Sunday, May 20, 2013, brought him home to stay:

Photo credit to Ann Mines Bailey

(I like to think of this as the moment where Henry realized he really, truly got a brother!)

Wanting to honor the afore-mentioned Johnny (as well as Toni's husband John), we decided that his middle name should become his first. And for continuity, we gave him the middle name William so that both of our boys have middle names from their uncles.

And, once again, we struck adoption gold.  No complications, no delays, no legal hiccups, and no birth family drama.  We were able to finalize his adoption in the court on time, perform our family sealing in the LDS temple soon thereafter, and Facebook has never seen such handsomeness!

One of the first moments of real brotherhood I captured: (Fun Fact: they are now the same height)

Each Sunday, and as we run into each other around town, we are able to talk with and share this miracle of a boy with his birth family.  They have been understanding about our need to bond as a family, which has been a huge blessing.  I am not one to shy away from social media, so I know that they are able to watch him grow and receive news.

I really don't remember life before our little John. And yes, I am busier than ever before.  But, thanks to The Text That Changed Everything, everything has indeed changed.

Making his 3rd birthday cupcakes, morning of March 16, 2015